


has anyone ever written anything for you? pt. 2

by jconway



Category: Captain Marvel (2019), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Amnesia, Anxiety, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Insecurity, Promises
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-06
Updated: 2019-06-06
Packaged: 2020-04-11 12:55:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19110079
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jconway/pseuds/jconway
Summary: Part 2 of "Has Anyone Ever Written Anything For You?"---A year has passed since Carol returned to earth, to Louisiana, to Maria. She has found the Skrulls a new home and also found a new home for herself--if she can overcome the demons that plague her in the middle of the night.---Based off of Stevie Nicks', "Has Anyone Ever Written Anything For You?"





	has anyone ever written anything for you? pt. 2

Carol had always been enamored by Maria. She was her muse. The past year had been an intense moment in their relationship. Carol had finally found a home for the Skrulls and even though she occasionally had to go regulate matters in space, she was home in Louisiana for most of her days.

Maria and Carol had found their way back to each other fairly easy in romantic terms. It all happened on the day that Carol returned home from the newly inhabited Skrull planet she had helped establish. Neither truly knew how or when it happened but they awoke next to each other the next morning, both feeling as if their wildest dreams had come true. Over the course of the next few weeks, Maria had briefly filled Carol in on the mechanics of their previous relationship. It was a lot for Carol to deal with but Maria consistently eased her qualms with assurances of taking it slow and the newly coined promise of, “We can make it all new too.”

Carol struggled mentally more than she had perhaps ever in her life. She had this bondage, this extreme longing to be with Maria at all times yet she couldn’t elaborate or explain the instinct in which Maria reciprocated. Of course she knew that she had loved Maria and the reasonings behind that were obvious—as if anyone could not love her. No, Carol did not fight with those things. She fought with the terrors of the night that kindly reminded her that perhaps she could never go back to the old person she was. Perhaps Maria would not grow to love this hybrid version of Carol—Vers?—Danvers. Despite Maria’s numerous comforting resolves to fix things and try again, Carol couldn’t stop the panic that arose in her chest every single time their waves slightly diverged. How many times were too many times? What if she could never get Maria to love her the way she was now? What if this was all that they were going to get?

It began to plague her mind both day and night. She would awake at least once every sleeping cycle, tossing and turning only to find herself still next to a sleeping Maria. On the worst nights and when her fears burdened her the worst, she would feel a deafening discomfort. Carol would see Maria and fight the urge to get out of bed. After all, none of her powers did anything to alleviate the feeling of not fully belonging.

One night in particular, Carol awoke sweaty and slightly nauseous. This had been fairly frequent.

She gently turned in bed, careful not to make too much of a disturbance to her bed partner.

Maria was still fast asleep, her dark hair falling slightly over her eyes. Carol fought the urge to gently brush the strands away. There it was again. That instinct but lack of permission. She couldn’t remember if Maria had enjoyed small touches like that.

Taking a calming breath, Carol sat up and sat at the edge of their king sized bed. She peered down at the striped cotton pajama set she was wearing. It was soft yet slightly restricting. Did she always dress this way? Sleep this way? She briefly wondered if she should think back to her memories of sleeping on Hala but resolutely pushed out any such thoughts.

Maria gently moved behind her, still asleep much to Carol’s relief. Maria had only caught Carol awake a few times before. Once she had offered a tea to her lover, to which Carol politely declined and went back to bed. Did tea help her sleep before?

Biting her lip gently, Carol stood up and slowly walked over to their now shared dresser. This was the hardest part. The pictures.

Carols stared at a face much like her own, a face with blonde hair and soft brown eyes, a mischievous glint, a cocky smirk…yet she had no idea who this person was. She closed her eyes and tried to imagine, tried to piece together any semblance from that Christmas she shared with Maria and Monica.

Two strong arms gently slid around Carol’s waist. Her hands glowed momentarily with alert before she inhaled Maria’s calming scent. With a shuddering breath, Carol extinguished her hands and gently turned her head to catch sight of Maria’s tired face in the dark.

“Sorry I woke you,” Carol began.

“ S’okay,” Maria said tiredly as she gently rested her head on Carol’s shoulder, still holding her securely around the waist.

“What…” Carol began but felt a hard lump in her throat. Maria kissed Carol softly on her neck, right below her ear. An encouragement to go on. “What did you—what did we get Monica for Christmas that year? That is the one with presents, right?”

Carol felt Maria smile into her neck and took that as a good sign.

“A proton pack,” Maria said softly.

“A proton pack?” Carol immediately jerked her head to stare Maria in the eye. “What on earth—”

“It’s from a movie. I don’t think we showed it to you yet. It’s called Ghostbusters.”

“Ghost-busters?” Carol repeated incredulously.

“It’s about these guys who study ghosts,” Maria explained with a soft yawn, burrowing her face into Carol’s shoulder even deeper. “It was popular back then. It was all she was asking for that year.”

Carol smiled fondly at the thought of getting Monica a toy she really wanted. A strange fluttering warmth erupted in her chest.

“Was she happy?” Carol asked.

Maria smiled once again. The tone that new Carol used when she was unsure of something was a tone that she had never heard old Carol use before. A year ago, she had felt slight unease when she heard Carol use it. Now, she only felt protectiveness and compassion. This was still her Carol.

“Very happy,” Maria shifted so she could hug Carol from the front. “And you bought it for her. I can’t even take the credit for that one.”

“Really?” There was that great big smile that only Carol Danvers could emulate.

Maria stared intently into Carol’s eyes, searching and searching for her pain. This new Carol—this new version of her love—was not so different from the first one. Not different at all in fact. A memory struck a chord in Maria so deeply, a memory she so wished to forget when she had thought Carol was dead.

“Can I take you somewhere?” Maria asked as she reached up to cup her hand around Carol’s face.

“Right now?” Carol furrowed her brow.

“Right now. Put on a jacket and meet me downstairs okay?” Maria sprung into action.

“O-Okay…you put on a jacket too. You’ll be colder.” Carol quipped with the tiniest of smirks.

Maria smiled as she left their shared room with her old shawl wrapped around her shoulders.

Once Maria had convinced Carol to simply trust her on this midnight escapade, things got easier in their descent to the bayou.

Carol clung to Maria, almost like a lost puppy. She wrapped both arms around one of Maria’s, confusedly looking about for something or anything to make sense to her.

“And you don’t plan on killing me right, Rambeau?” Carol asked with a small smile.

“No, Danvers. Do you think I’d put you in danger, where’s your head at?” The words came out of Maria’s mouth almost as if she had memorized the script of that once beautiful memory. A memory so protected, so sacred and pure that Maria had gone to great lengths to abolish it for the sake of her own sanity. If anyone had told her that she’d be recreating that memory with the same love of her life tonight, she would have called them mad. But now—now—madness seemed all too logical. And the logic of staying in bed like they had almost every other night seemed mad. Not when they could be doing this. Creating a new memory.

With great struggle, Maria had removed a massive tarp from a boat that was resting soundly at the side of their dock to the bayou.

“Let me help you,” Carol offered, seeing Maria mentally try to figure out how to start a boat that hadn’t been used in years.

Carol flashed her hands and with some movements which Maria struggled to follow, the boat instantly purred to life.

“Come on,” Maria smiled triumphantly, extending her hand to Carol’s.

“Where will we go?” Carol cocked her head in confusion.

“Somewhere new.” Maria breathed, grabbing hold of Carol’s hand and bringing it to her chest, right over her heart. “Please. I didn’t think I’d ever see your eyes open again and now they’re here looking at me. Please let me in.”

Carol felt that roaring instinct again. This time, she decided to trust the woman in front of her and not the thoughts circling her.

“Okay.”

The two sped off in their boat, listening to the vibrant cicadas and soft splashing of the bayou water. There was a crisp breeze but not enough to make either of them shiver.

Once the two had reached a quiet but well lighted portion of the water, they turned off the engine and awkwardly avoided eye contact with one another.

“This is a beautiful planet after all,” Carol breathed, eyes searching anywhere but Maria.

“You brought me here.”

“Lots of wildlife.”

“You bought us this boat and brought me here on a date.”

“I never even knew alligators existed before I came here.”

“You bought me this boat and brought me here on a date the night before you and Dr. Lawson crashed.”

Suddenly, the soliloquy that both women had been vocalizing ended. The bayou’s presence was the only noise ripping through the air.

“I don’t know how to love you how I used to.”

“You don’t need to!” Maria exclaimed, immediately bringing herself to Carol and kissing her. “I don’t need you to remember everything. I just need you to remember that I loved you. I love you. Every day I wake up I see you and I believe anything is possible. You were possible. You came back to me. You were my most illogical wish come true. I can’t give that up. I won’t.”

Carol had tears rolling down her cheeks but not as much as Maria. Both of their faces were wet and the sound of them both sniffling was enough clarification that something unbreakable was about to happen.

“What if you leave me?” Carol breathed out, her body almost falling to sobs.

“Carol Danvers,” Maria began, holding her love’s face tightly between her hands, “You are the greatest thing to ever happen to me and our daughter. I love you at an exponentially growing rate every single day. I never stopped loving you. When I lost you, I forgot how to breathe. And then you walked in, six years later, and taught me how to again. I will never, ever leave you. You are my entire being. I won’t ever give up on this.”

Carol had now succumbed to heartbreaking sobs. Maria responded by wrapping Carol tightly against her, the blonde’s head burrowed into the brunette’s chest. Maria brushed her love’s hair, kissing her frantically.

“I love you in a way I don’t even understand,” Carol confessed in a breath between sobs. “It’s all I know yet I don’t know the parts of it. All I know is that I need you. I’ve always needed you. Please don’t leave me.”

“I’m here, baby, I’m here!” Maria kissed her head again, “I will never leave you. You’re my miracle. Nothing would make sense in life without you.”

Carol had slowly controlled her sobs now but was still clinging to Maria like a life support. Her body was shivering but not from the cold—from a feeling of profound relief and freedom. No, Maria wasn’t going to leave her. No, Maria didn’t think she was less than. No, she didn’t have to remember everything. Yes, this was her home. Her love. Her life.

“I love you,” Carol whispered, now moving to gently sit in Maria’s lap as she threw her arms around her lover’s neck. “I love you. I love you. I love you.”

“I love you too,” Maria gripped Carol tighter. “I never stopped.”

Sometime after the two had wiped the last of their lingering tears, they sat in the boat in the most comfortable silence either of them had experienced together in nearly a year. The silence was perhaps one of the things both had forgotten they missed. The blank space had been occupied with past memories, lectures on the old Carol, schedules and so much more. It was utter bliss to sit in the silence of knowing all would be well. Perhaps not right away, no of course not. But at some point, the past would reconcile with the present and create a future neither woman could ever fathom. It would all be well.

“Where’s your head at?” Maria asked Carol once they were back in bed, both pressed up against each other so close that there was nearly no room to move.

“Here. With you.”

“That’s all I need.”

“Back on the bayou…I think I remembered a glimpse?” Carol raised an eyebrow, as if asking for permission to remember.

“You did?” Maria tried to keep her voice even. Now that she was aware of Carol’s insecurity in remembering things, she would have to keep all excitement to a minimum when she did in fact…remember.

Carol outlined the shape of Maria’s collarbone with peaked interest.

“I know that Terran—I mean, human laws are different compared to those of other galaxies…were we restricted in our relationship?”

Maria pursed her lips, unsure how to answer this. She had of course briefed Carol on how they kept their relationship fairly private but had never given her any precise details as to why. She was also aware that Carol was highly perceptive to this new world and probably pieced together that same-sex relationships were still a hot debate.

“Well there are certain laws that restrict people like us from marrying within the state,” Maria explained softly, gently brushing Carol’s lips. “But we…well, we made it work. In our own way.”

“Were we married in spirit?”

Maria chuckled at Carol’s choice of words before kissing her nose in adoration.

“We were married in spirit.”

“I’d like to…reaffirm that promise. Maybe not soon. I mean—not because I’m not sure—because I am, I am so sure—I just—”

“We can make it all new.” Maria swore with such confidence in her eyes that Carol sighed in relief and resumed her position of laying her chest on the brunette’s chest.

“We’ll make it all new.” Carol repeated, this time her voice not littered with faux repetition as all the times before when Maria had reminded her of something. No, this new tone was one of requited understanding. A promise. A promise of forever.

Maria gently hummed her and Carol’s favorite Stevie Nicks’ song from when they were younger, the piercingly familiar yet comforting tones gently lulling the superhero to sleep. Maria smiled in satisfaction when she saw Carol’s eyelids finally still in honest rest for once. So she would still one day sleep with her beautiful wife after all.


End file.
